Friday, November 17, 2017

THE ELECTRICIANS' WIFE ©

     Many strange things happened at Giltraps' Hotel over the years. Like the time a 'blow-in' arrived in town with his old lady. He was an Electrician by trade. He walked into the bar and ordered a couple of beers and then told George Giltrap to send on out to the 'Sow Pen' where his Missus was sitting.

     He was a smallish and thin bloke with a full head of hair and a couple of days growth on his unassuming face.

     He was trying to be too friendly with a bar full of strangers, too fast. This put many people on the defensive so only a couple of local blokes would have a beer with him. Him and his missus walked into the bar at around 3 O'clock that afternoon and by 8 that night they were both pretty 'full'. Every hour or so he would go through to the Sow Pen to see how his old lady was getting on.   
     At around 8 O'clock that night they had a huge, drunken argument. The Electrician decided he was going to check out the towns other two hotels, on his own. As soon as he left, a couple of the younger blokes wandered into the Sow Pen to see how his old lady was making out.

     She was sat at a table with some of the local women who had acquired a taste for a cold glass of Aussie beer. She was not an ugly woman, by no means but she was no Mona Lisa either. She had a pleasant-looking face with shoulder length, dark brown hair.  She had large breasts that hung down on top of a couple of spare tires. Her butt was also not on the small side but she was pretty well-dressed and looked quite clean. Her age was somewhere around the 50 mark, the same as her old man.

     By the time 11 O'clock came and Giltrap was about to call, "Last orders", some of the blokes who  had been drinking with her, bought themselves and her a couple of last beers. One of the blokes asked when her old man would be back and she said, "Oh, he's probably outside one of the other hotels blind drunk and asleep in the car by now."

     How it happened, I don't know, but one of the blokes, who was staying at the hotel, took her off down to his room after the bar was closed down. To cut a long story short, 12 blokes went through her that night in rapid succession!

     At about 12:30 there was a knock on my door. When I opened it, one of the young blokes I knew, said to me,
"Ya want a root Yorky?"
"What the hell are ya talking about?", I asked, in a sleepy voice. "It's late mate. Is this your idea of a fucking joke?"
"No Yorky!", he protested. "I'm fair dinkum! Do ya wanna root?"
"What d'ya mean, Do I want a root?"
"Ya know that old Sheila that was in the Sow Pen?"
"Yeah, the blow-ins old lady."
"Yeah mate."
"What about her?", I asked.
"She's layed on the floor, on her back, in the top room, taking on all comers mate!"
"Fucking bullshit sport. Piss off, I'm goin' back to bed."
"Alright, please ya self Yorky. You'll hear all about it in the morning."
"Alright, wait till I get dressed. I'll believe it when I see it!"
     A few minutes later, I was dressed and walking down the, now-deserted, corridor towards the room. Once outside the door, he said to me,
"She's in here mate, but don't make any noise when we go in. The light will be off so be careful ya don't fall in."
"You're such a bullshitter!", I said as he opened the door and we walked inside the room.
     After the door was closed, he said very quietly,
"She's over there mate on her back. Just walk over and hop on, sport!"
"Fuck you. I can't see a thing. It's too dark in here 'cause the curtains are closed. Put the lights on so I can see."
"No mate, she'll git up and leave if we do that."
"You're so full of bullshit! I'm gonna put the light on."
     When mi hand found the light switch, I clicked it on and the darkened room exploded with light. My mouth fell open with shock when I found out that he was not kidding me. Right in the middle of the carpeted floor was the Electricians wife. She was laid on her back with a pillow under her head. Her skirt was hiked up over one of her spare tires. She had no pants on and her legs were spread wide apart.
     As I stood there, I felt like puking at the sight. When she said, "Well come on then, what are ya waiting for? Are ya gonna git on or just stand there with ya mouth open, starin' at it?"
I took a noisy swallow and then I heard miself say, "No thank you. I must be in the wrong room. I'm sorry, good night!"
     With that, I hit the light switch and bolted out of the room, leaving the bloke behind.
     The next day, I was the joke of the barroom again. The only way of salvaging my manhood was to say.
"I'm very superstitious. I would have had a go, but not the Thirteenth!"