MILDURA - JIMMY HARGRAVES

    A decision had to be made, according to the situation. I have found out, in my life, that mans' belief in the word 'choice' is total fantasy. Whatever we are not aware of, chooses for us and each situation in life demands a correct response. When the response is correct, the problems surrounding the situation disappear. An incorrect response seems to create further problems. 

My response to the lack of rain was a decision to ride my Honda 90 back down to Mildura cause at least there was some work there, even if it was difficult and not a lot of money involved.

     Before I set off, I ran into a mate, Jimmy Hargraves, in the main street. Jimmy was a great bloke. He had a heart of gold. Nothing was too much trouble to do for a friend. Jimmy was 5'9", weighed 160 pounds and had very pleasant features.

"G'day Yorky, how ya goin' mate?",  he said as I approached him.
"Not too bad, apart from being knackered!"
"How was the grape-pickin' trip with John Towers?", he asked.
"I suppose it wasn't too bad mate. At least it was work."

     Jimmy asked me all the details of grape picking and after I'd finished telling him,  I said
"I'm gonna' ride back down there tomorrow 'cause there's bugger all work in the Lake."
"Yeah, I know what ya mean mate. I haven't worked for the past month."
     Just then, I had a bright idea. "Why don't ya come with me to Mildura ?"
"How am I gonna git there?"
"On the back of the bike mate."
"I can fart faster than that bike of yours can go Yorky!"
"Jeesuz mate, no need to insult mi bike. It does 55 flat out.", I said jokingly.
"How fast will it go with 2 on board?", he asked?
"Probably 45.", I said.

     We stood in the street for a long time discussing wether or not he would come with me. Jimmy had a hard time making up his mind. Eventually, he said, "I'll toss a coin, heads I go, tails I stay."

     He flicked the coin high in the air and it came down heads.
"Git ya gear ready sport. You're off on a long ride.", I said.
"Hang on mate, best out-a 3!"
     Each time he flicked the coin, it came down heads. The unanimous decision to come with me was settled.
"Let's set off tonight.", I said. "It will save me a few bucks on rent."
"What time ya wanna go mate?"
"Six O'clock, that sound alright?"
"How we gonna carry our work clothes?"
"Have ya got a backpack?"
"I've got one somewhere in the caravan but I'll have to find it."
"Ok, when you find it, pack up some clothes and leave some space for mine. I'll meet ya a Gliltraps at 6. I'll go and pick up mi bike now.", I said.

     Finally, after a lot of humming and hawing, he'd made his decision so I picked up mi bike from a friends' garage. I filled up the tank and checked the oil and after that I gave it a bit of a hose down at the garage and then rode back to Giltraps for a bit of a rest.

     Jimmy knocked on my door around 6.  I packed some work gear and a good shirt and strides into the backpack. We were now ready to roll!

     Outside of Giltraps I started the bike. She went first kick. "Alright, hop on Jim.", I said.  Once he was seated and comfortable, I kicked the gear-lever into first and we tore off up the main drag of the Lake and onto the Rankin Springs dirt road.

 Although mi bike had a double seat, it was not too comfortable with 2 people on it plus a large backpack. The shock-absorbers bottomed out as we rode across the large pot holes.
"It'll be more comfortable when we get back on the bitchuman Jim.", I called out over mi shoulder.
"I fuckin' hope so mate.", he shouted in mi ear. "My arse is aching already and we've only been going for half an hour."

     The tar seal started at Rankin Springs and it was a welcome sight indeed, especially for  Jim, who was not used to riding bikes.  We rode all through the long night and the further we rode the slower mi poor bike wanted to go. Eventually, after about 10 hours, oil started to drip out of the engine. A head-gasket had blown from the constant speed and the excessive weight it was carrying.

     Between the two of us, we didn't have much money so it was impossible to repair the bike. I made the decision to trade it in at one of the garages on the way. At the third garage, the salesman offered me an old Austin A55 Sedan.  There was not much option left but to trade her. Although I felt quite sad to see her being wheeled away, the thought of having a car made up for it.  

Once the deal was finalized, we filled the tank and set off up the road again. We stopped a couple of miles from the garage to buy some toasted sandwiches. I made use of the time by checking the car over. The oil in the engine was really low so I bought a gallon can and filled her up to the full mark.

     When Jim came out of the cafe with our Sarnies he said, "I forgot to tell ya mate, I haven't got a license."
"What! Neither have I. What if the cops stop us? We'll get done! Maybe we should travel at night? It'll be a bit safer that way."
"Don't worry Yorky, she'll be right mate. No one's gonna stop us."
"Alright mate, if you say so.", I said.

     We ate sandwiches as we drove. After fifty miles the oil light came on.
"I thought ya filled her up with oil Yorky?", said Jim in surprise.
"I did mate. I put a whole fucking gallon in."
"Jeezus Christ mate! We'd better stop and check it. Maybe the oil light is faulty?"
"I fuckin' hope so mate, 'cause if not that means the engine is fucked in this too!"

      I lifted the bonnet. It was not a pretty sight and when I checked the dip stick there was no oil on it. "Fuckin' hell mate, not a drop! That means she's used a gallon of oil in 50 miles."

     Luckily we found a quart bottle of oil in the boot. I poured that in and we set off at a slow pace. Once we reached the next petrol station I bought some more oil. We decided to drive a bit slower now 'cause money was a big concern. We'd only been going for another hour or so when the sun went down.

I said to Jim, "She'll probably run better in the cool weather."
     No sooner had I said that,  a cop car flew past us going in the opposite direction.
"That was lucky, Jim. He's going the opposite way."
"Stop thinkin' about it mate, there's no way we'll get caught!"

     Before he got the last word out of his mouth we heard the cop siren.
"Fuckin' shit!", said Jim. "There's a cop car coming up fast behind us. He must be in an awful hurry to catch someone."
     As he drew level with us, he waved me over to the side of the road.
"Oh Fuck!", I said. "Now we're in the shit mate! I told ya we'd have been better off driving at night."
"Sorry mate, you were right and I was wrong."

     When I stopped the car, the cop got out of his and casually sauntered over to the drivers' side.
"G'day fellas.", he said. "Can I see ya license?"
"No.", I said.
"What d'ya mean NO?"
"Ya can't see it cause I haven't got one.", I said.
"Oh.", he said. "What about ya mate?"
"No luck there either.", I said
"Alright, show us ya rego papers."
"No luck there either."
"Pink slip?", he asked, in a hopeful manner
"Not even a pink slip officer."
"Well fellas', I'd say you're in the shit, right up to ya ears. What d'ya reckon?"
"If you say so Officer, that's unless you're gonna let us go.", I said.
"Can't do that fellas. You'd better follow me."

     Easier said than done. He got in his car and took off like a bat out-a-hell. It took me all my time to see him, never mind follow him. The cop pulled up outside the station. He had to wait at least 5 minutes for us to arrive.
"Shall I turn her off?", I asked.
"I think you'd better cause ya won't be needin' it for a long time.", he said.

     We spent at least 4 hours at the cop station. The big Sergeant interrogated us both, in separate rooms. After he was satisfied with our stories, he put us both in the same room again.
"What's gonna happen now?', I asked him.
"I'm gonna lock ya up till Monday morning and then ya can go up before the Judge at the local court house."

      As soon as Jim heard this, his eyes teared up a bit and he said it was all his fault. The Sergeant seemed to get a bit upset himself now.
"He said, "What's the name of the local Sarg at Lake Cargelligo?"
"Sergeant Montgomery.", I said.
    The Sergeant called up the Lake cop shop and asked old Monty for a character reference for us.

After he'd spoken to him, he put the phone down and said,
"It seems like you two fellas' are pretty good blokes. The sergeant at the Lake gave you both first-class references, so here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna' let you both off this time but I'm gonna have to impound that old piece of shit you call a car. Come on, let's go see the local garage owner and find out how much it will cost to make it road-worthy."

     After half an hours inspection the mechanic came up with the verdict.
"150 bucks! That should do it but that's not counting the engine. If you ask me, it's just about rooted."
     The sergeant made me sign a paper authorizing the repairs and then he told me to come back in a week and pick it up.
"Oh yeah.", he said. "And be prepared to sit for ya license. Here's a book for ya to study in ya spare time. Now git outa' here before I change mi mind."

     When we got outside, all Jim could say was, "I'm sorry mate. I should have listened to you. We would have been almost there by now."
"No worries mate. We'd better concentrate on hitchin' a ride now cause we've still got a hundred miles to go."

     It took us about an hour to pick up a ride. The bloke dropped us right at the farmers' gate where I previously worked. After Jimmy and I had signed on, we went over to the bunk house and made up a couple of beds. After relating the story to a few of the blokes I'd worked with the week before, we turned out the lights and took a good nights' rest.

     The following day, I introduced Jim to the joys of grape picking.  He was not too keen on it and before the day was out he was ready to go back home.

     Jim and me worked for 3 weeks picking grapes. At the end of that time we still didn't have enough money to pick up the car so the farmer, who I got on with real well, offered to loan me 80 bucks so I could at least bring the car down to the farm.

 By the time the grapes were all picked, I still owed the farmer 50 bucks.

     There was no more work to do. I promised him I'd send the money as soon as possible. I even signed an IOU so he'd feel a bit safer about it. Once everything was in order and our gear was packed up, we loaded it into the old bomb.

     I set off for Lake Cargelligo, only this time I had mi first car license in mi back pocket. Fortunately, the old A55 made the trip. It was a toss-up what it used most of, oil or petrol. 

As we neared Lake Cargelligo, the dirt roads started to get a bit wetter. Once back at Giltraps we found out that there had been a couple of inches of rain a few days previously.

     That same evening that we arrived back, Sergeant Montgomery came in to Giltraps for a beer on his night off.
"G'day Sergeant.", I said, remembering the glowing reference he'd given us, which by all accounts, kept us out of jail.
"G'day Yorky.", he said with a slight grin. "How was the grape-picking trip mate?"
"I don't have to tell you Sergeant, I think you already know."

STRANGLING THE KANGAROO

“Ya ever had a root Yorky?”, said Kevin.
"Nah  mate, I’m only 15. I doubt whether I'd git one in a brothel with a walletful of money."
     We had a good laugh at this one.
"You'll have to come into town and stay at my place one night Yorky. I'll take ya down the main street after dark and introduce ya to the town bike."
"What's a town bike?"
"Not what mate, who? is more like it."
"OK, then who?"
"Who, is a young sheila that loves it. She's called the town bike because everybody rides her, Yorky. Don't ya git it mate?"
"I do now." I said. "But, I think I'll stick to walking until I git a ute."
"Yeh, that'll git ya a sheila, mate." he said with a smile.

"What's the matter?" said Kevin as I scratched away at my shoulders and the back of my neck.
"The wheat dust is making my skin itchy, mate."
"Yeh, you'll get itchy for the first couple of days, then after that you'll git used to it, mate. Wait till we start strippin' the oats and barley. They're much worse than wheat mate."
"How long does it take to git used to that, Kevin?"
"Oh, once you've scratched all ya' skin off Yorky, you won't notice it anymore." he said with a grin.

Our days passed very much like that for about 8 weeks. One night as we were driving home, Digger said to me, "Grab the rifle off the back window will ya Yorky mate."
"No problem, mate." I said as I turned around to get it.
"There's a box of 22's in the glove box," said Kevin. "Fill the mag up will ya?"
"What ya gonna shoot?
"We need a couple of roo's for dog tucker. Diggers' got five dogs and I've got six of the bastards plus the old man has a couple. Two roos don't last very long between a dozen or so dogs. There's some scrub country up the back of Diggers' place so we'll swing by there on our way home. We'll get two or three quite easy 'cause it's right on dusk now."

"There's a small mob." said Digger, as we drove along side one of his fences.
"Jump in the back with the gun, Digger. Once you've shot one we'll chase 'em down the fence line. If we're lucky you'll git one on the hop!"
Digger very quietly opened the door and climbed in the back of the Ute with Kevin's' 5-shot Bruno 22.
      BANG! A half-grown roo fell over on its' side and the others took off at top speed.
"Hang on Digger!" yelled Kevin as we bounced over the rough dirt track.
"Wait till we git a bit closer, sport. OK Digger, let 'em have it!"
     Digger fired 2 shots and a big roo hit the dust. Two more shots rang out, but the roos kept hopping.

"Ah, ya useless fucking bastard!" yelled Kevin out the window. "Ya only got one of 'em."
Diggers rough head came into view upside-down in Kevins' side window and said, "You fuckin' try hittin' 'em with a pea rifle off the back of a Ute with no crate on it if ya so fuckin' good Kevin. It's not as fuckin' easy as it looks, mate. Anyway, it took me all mi time to hang on. I almost fell out!"
"Ah ya fuckin' useless Digger", yelled Kevin. "Too much fuckin' wankin' is your problem, mate."
"Well it's cheaper than looking after a fuckin' wife in town, Kevin."

     At first I used to think that they were fair dinkum when they spoke to each other this way but after a while I came to realize that it was all designed to entertain me and entertain me they did.
The Ute pulled up alongside where the roo was now balanced on one leg and his tail and from looks of him he was not in a very good mood.

"He looks a bit cranky." said Kevin, as we got out of the cab.
"He's got a broken leg, that's why." I said.
"They're pretty tough bastards." said Digger, who was sitting on the edge of the back of the Ute.
"They sure are Digger." I said.
"You think you're as tough as a roo, Yorky?" said Digger.
"What d'ya mean Digger?"
"Well, for instance, it would be a bit of a shame to waste another good bullet on him, wouldn't it? "
"I suppose so." I said in my naiveté, not knowing I was in the process of being set up.
"Ya could strangle him, Digger." I said, which was exactly what he'd wanted me to say and I'd taken the bait, hook, line and sinker!
"Yeh, I probably could mate, but I'll bet mi boots a pommy bastard like you wouldn't be able to strangle him."
     There was no way out of the challenge now 'cause I was in too deep, so my next line had to be "How much ya wanna bet, Digger?"
"How much ya make a week, Yorky?"
"10 quid. Why?"
"I'll bet ya half a weeks wages."
"You're on Digger." I said as I offered him my handshake.
"Ya words good enough for me, Yorky." he said with a big smile.

"Jesus Christ!" said Kevin. "This'll be a bit of fun. The pommy versus the roo, to the death!"
     'Oh shit!' I thought, you let them con you Yorky, now you'll have to go through with it or they'll take the piss out of ya for weeks on end. They'll say that you're a gutless pommy bastard. You'll never hear the end of it.
"Whenever you're ready Yorky." said Digger. "Take ya time mate. He's got a real strong tail. Look how he's sittin' up there mate!"

     I turned to face the roo, who was now growling and raring to go. As I moved towards him he moved around a bit so he was still facing me, so I moved back around the other way. As soon as I made my move the roo made his, so he was still facing me. I thought, 'I may be able to run around the back side of him', but he saw what I was up to and hopped around on his one good leg and thick strong, sinewy tail to face me again.

"Ya not makin' much headway with him Yorky." said Kevin.
"I think the Pommy bastard's scared of him." said Digger.
"If I go at him face on, Digger, he'll kick mi guts out mate!"
"Yeh, he most likely will Yorky." said Digger, who was now chewing on a piece of wheat stalk.
"Tell ya what I'll do for ya Yorky." said Kevin, with a smile. "I'll distract him with a branch and you sneak around the back of him and when he's not looking at ya, run in and grab him mate!"
"OK!" I said, glad for some help. "Go grab a big stick."

     Kevin moved over to the side of the fence and picked up a large stick with some eucalyptus leaves on the end of it.
"Alright Yorky!" he said with a big smile. "Git ready mate!"

     Kevin walked in front of the roo and shook the stick in the roos face and as the roo turned to face him, I made the best of my opportunity. Running towards the roo, I grabbed him by the throat with mi bare hands. This really pissed him off. As I started to squeeze, he put his hands up to my hands that were wrapped tightly around his neck and started to claw at them, so I squeezed his neck much harder now. He fell over backwards on top of me, which knocked me to the ground, but by this time we were both fighting for our lives.

     As we rolled around on the ground the roos one good back leg kept coming in, up and down with great force as his large razor sharp toenail cut through the air trying to connect with some solid pommy skin. The red dust was flying quite thick now as we rolled around in the dirt. The roos' large, thick tail was thumping the ground as he tried to get his balance back so he could regain his one good leg. We were so close together now that we could smell each other and he sure didn't like the smell of white, pommy, Palmolive-flavored skin, so he kicked as hard as he could while at the same time trying to twist his body so he was facing me.

     I could hear Digger and Kevin laughing their heads off as Digger said, "Look out Yorky, If he gets turned around to face ya, ya fucked mate! I'll never collect mi five quid!" he roared with laughter.

"Fuck you Digger!" I screamed. "And fuck ya five quid mate. This bastard is a bloody strong roo, even with one leg!"

"Hang on to him, Yorky baby." roared Kevin from the sideline. "I think ya making a bit of progress with him, mate. Try squeezin' a bit harder Yorky!"

     I could feel the vibration in the roos' voice box as he growled and growled. I was squeezing as hard as I could but it was not making much of an impression on him as we still rolled around in the Aussie dirt. He tried to regain his foot and rolled over on his other side, taking me with him as I tried to get a foothold in the dust with mi work boot.

"I think ya gettin' one up on him, Yorky!" roared Kevin amidst a big belly laugh. "His eyes are starting to bulge a little bit."
"I can't squeeze any harder!”, I yelled to Kevin as we rolled around again.
"If he turns around to face ya Yorky, give him a big kiss. That'll confuse him mate, but be careful he doesn't bite ya lip."
"And look out for his breath!" added Kevin. "It probably stinks. It doesn't look like he's cleaned his teeth for a while, mate!"
"Give us a fucking hand, Kevin!" I yelled. "I'm stuck with him. I can't kill him and I can't let him go!"
"Ya goin' great Yorky." yelled Digger. "I'm getting mi 5 quid out now so I can pay ya mate, as soon as he's dead."

     The roo was in no worse shape now than before I started. His sinewy neck was as strong as hard-core rubber under the gray and brown fur. The more and longer I squeezed, the more it seemed to piss him off. I felt like he knew I'd lost before I started and all I could do now was to hang on to his neck so he couldn't turn around and kick me to death.

     As I eventually regained my feet, I yelled to Kevin,
"Bait him with the stick mate, I'm gonna try to let him go!"
"Nah mate.", he said. "Hang onto him Yorky. You're doin' great cobber!"
"Fuck you Kevin! You take over if ya want but I'm lettin’ him go right now mate, so grab the stick!"

     I let go of the grip I'd had on the roos' throat and as I opened mi hands he shot forwards and regained his feet. I shot backwards as fast as I could go without losing mi footing. The roo had turned around again as he'd gone forward so now we stood face to face with each other at a distance of about 8 feet.
     As we both stood there, breathing hard and gasping for breath, Digger said, "I think you've just about got him fucked Yorky. Dive on him again mate and give him another good dose. Show him what you're made of Yorky!"
"Fuck you Digger!", I said, between gasps. "He's too good for me mate."

     Digger was now sat on a can in the back of the Ute still laughing away to himself as Kevin shot the roo and stuck him in the back of the Ute with the other one.

"Alright.” said Kevin. "Let's go. It'll be ten O'clock before I get home at this rate. The missus will be wonderin' where I got to."

     When we got back to the homestead we threw the 2 roos into the dog pen and Kevin opened 'em up with a sharp pocketknife so as to make it easier for them to get at the meat. When we walked away the Kelpies were all fighting to maintain their positions in the pack and some of them were fighting to move up a position so they could eat before the rest of 'em.
"Look at the bastards!" said Kevin. "They won't work for a bloody week after a feed like that."
"Yeah." said Digger. "It's just as well we won't be needing' 'em for a while."

     That evening, after a good shower, Digger related the story of how Yorky had tried to strangle a roo on the way home. Dick Skipworth had a good laugh between mouthfuls of cold mutton and Nellie said to me, "Be careful of those two boys of mine, Yorky, they'll kid ya up a tree and chop it down it ya let 'em."
"I can see that, Mrs. Skipworth. I'll watch out for 'em from now on. I owe Digger 5 quid."
     Digger started to laugh and after he'd finished he said, "I'm cancelin' the bet, Yorky. That's the best 5 quids worth of entertainment I've ever had in mi life, mate."