"Where we off to now Doug?"
"West Wyalong Yorky. Duffy just got us a pitch there this afternoon. We're lucky mate or we'd have had a long drive down to Grenfell."
"Where are the girls?", I asked.
"Sheilas got her own car mate. Duffy provides the petrol, so except for Rosy (who was known as Jasmine), they all travel with her."
"I was hoping Christine would be traveling with us", I said.
"Nah mate. If she's not traveling with the girls, she goes with her boyfriend."
Doug was a really good bloke, so I said to him,
"Ya think I've got much chance of gettin' on to Christine, Doug?"
"Oh, I don't know mate. It's not impossible. Depends how hard ya' try and how long ya' prepared to to hang around the show grounds. Here comes Rosy. Let's warm up the truck Yorky. Let her sit in the middle, mate and we'll be on our way."
Rosy jumped in the truck and Doug put it into gear. We cruised off out of Conboblin Show Ground. I was pretty silent for most of the trip 'cause I had no idea where life was going to take me now.
Towards the end of the ride to West Wyalong, I warmed up a bit and joined in some of the conversation with Doug and his girlfriend. They asked me how long I'd been in Australia and why I came.
By the time we got to the next show ground, it was well after midnight. We still had to put up the tend, ready for the show on Monday morning. We would have had to sleep outside on the damp ground had the tent not have been put up.
The next day, I met Fred Duffy. He was a short, weasle-faced man who wore a porkpie hat, black crumpled suit and a white shirt. He looked like one of those shifty-eyed characters I'd seen in gangster movies. When he spoke, his voice sounded like a gravel pit from years of smoking and years of sprooking outside of sideshow tents.
"This is Yorky.", said Doug. "He's been a real good help to me."
"G'day Fred.", I said, as I gave him my hand.
"G'day mate.", he said and ignored mi hand shake.
"Come in the tent Doug, we've got business to discuss."
Fred and Doug disappeared inside the tent so I just hung around outside and waited for them. When they came out, Fred Duffy said to me,
"Can ya sprook mate?"
"I've never tried before.", I said.
"I'll show ya how to do it.", he said. "Come on."
We walked past a few tents and stopped right outside a small tent. The sign read
NERADA WARRICK - SNAKE PIT OF DEATH.
"You can work here during the day sport. Come inside."
Foul-mouthed Nerada was putting up a barrier rope as we entered her tent.
"Good day.", said Duffy and kissed Nerada on the cheek.
"I wish ya wouldn't do that Duffy. I don't know where you've been!"
"Very fuckin' funny Nerada.", growled Duffy, in his sandpaper voice. "He's gonna sprook for ya' Nerada so look after him 'cause we don't got no one else. Alright?"
"Fucking shit Duffy.", said Nerada. "This partnership fucking stinks. I've made fuck-all this past month. If things don't change soon, I'm fucking out-a-here!"
"Yeah, yeah.", said Duffy. "Save it bitch, your contract isn't up for another 8 months so keep ya' fucking big trap shut and just do ya' work! Come on mate.", he said to me. "Let's get out of this stinkin' pit."
I followed Duffy outside to the ticket box and he pulled out an old-fashioned Mic and turned on a small amplifier that was connected to two large megaphone speakers which hung high on the tent poles.
"Listen to me sport. This is how ya sprook. "Step right up, Ladies and Gentlemen. For the first time ever, at your show grounds, the Snake Pit of Death, with the gorgeous, talented and fearless Nerada Warrick."
As I stood there listening to Duffy, I realized he was sprooking about Nerada. I was wondering where he got the 'gorgeous' and 'talented' from when he said to me,
"Here, keep on sprooking mate or ya won't earn ya ten bucks. I'm not a fucking charity ya' know sport."
Duffy handed me the microphone and I tried to repeat what he had done but somehow it didn't sound the same to me.
"That's fuckin' terrible!", said Duffy. "You'll chase the fucking local Yobos' away like that. Go and see Nerada and tell her I said she's to give ya' some info on her act. The first rule of sprooking mate, is ya gotta' know what the fuck ya sprooking about, 'cause if ya don't know, how the fuck d'ya expect these bunch of bastards to know?"
Although Duffy was a mean-looking, shifty-eyed bastard, he'd been traveling the show grounds for forty years so he must have learned something in that time. When I got back inside the tent, Nerada was shoving her tight top down inside her open-fronted jeans.
"What are you fucking looking at dickhead? Haven't ya' seen a woman getting dressed before?"
"No, I haven't.", I said. "Only mi sisters."
"Well, I'm not ya fucking sister mate so put ya' eyes back in their fucking sockets. I thought you were supposed to be outside sprooking?"
"Duffy said you're to make some notes for me so I know what I'm sprooking about."
"Fucking shit", she said. "Did Duffy say I'm supposed to wipe yer arse as well?"
"No.", I said very calmly. "That's not necessary."
"Alright.", she said as she put her hand into her handbag, looking for a pen and paper.
As she rummaged through all the rubbish in her handbag, I just stood there and watched her. Her long black hair fell all over her face as she bent over the bag. When she looked up, she said,
"Now, what are ya' staring at?"
"I was just seeing how beautiful ya' are behind that rough, tough, hard image you're putting out."
"And what d'ya fucking mean by that?"
"I don't mean anythin' by that, but I think you'll find me a much better friend than an enemy."
"Yeah?", she said. "What makes you think you're any different than the rest of those bastards ya' call men?"
"Well, for starters, I was brought up to respect women as my mother and secondly, I don't want or need anything from ya'. If ya need another reason, I just happen to like ya'. You're a very funny lady."
That caught her attention for a moment. She pushed the front of her hair off of her forehead and said,
"Really? Regular fucking Romeo aren't you?"
"No, I was only speaking the truth."
"What do they call ya?"
"Some people call me Yorky, 'cause I come from Yorkshire."
"Alright Yorky, I'll try being a bit more friendly with you. Ya don't seem like the showground type to me. I haven't quite worked you out yet, just don't fucking try anything!"
"It's a deal. Now, what about the snake information."
Nerada was no fool when it came to snakes. her snake pit was full of just every poisonous snake that inhabited Australia. Her snake pit was made of an 8 foot square framework, which tapered down to 6 feet. At ground level, it was about 4 foot high. On the inside of the pit was draped a thick canvas. Once inside, the snakes couldn't get out.
"Are the snakes poisonous?"
"Of course they fucking are."
I'd once seen a documentary about snakes.
"D'ya milk the poison out of 'em?"
"Not fucking likely. It's part of the act to show people how to milk a poisonous snake into a jar with a cloth over the top."
"Where did you learn to handle snakes?"
"There's a zoologist, Erik Warrell. I leaned a lot from him. In fact, you can spook about that. It will add some credibility to the act."
"That sounds great. Write that down and anymore information you can think of."
Twenty minutes later, I was back out on the mic. I was now a bit more confident, so I launched into my new act.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls. Showing for the very first time on your local show ground, The snake pit of death, starring the one and only Nerada Warrick. Watch her as she climbs over the side of the pit and walks among her deadly friends. Amongst others you will see the famous Malley snakes of the Bush; Tigers and Red-bellied blacks, Copperheads, Browns and even the deadly Taipan that inhabits the Northern parts of Queensland.
This show is recommended by Mr. Erik Warrell, whom you've all heard of. It's an education. It's an experience. Bring the children along. Encourage your friends to see this death-defying phenomenon,. You will be shown first-hand, right in front of your very eyes, how to milk the poisonous venom from some of the continents most agressive reptiles. Step this way. Tickets are on sale now. It's the best value for money you'll ever see. The next show will be starting in a few minutes. This is a show you can't afford to miss!
At one point, in the afternoon, a small group of people from Lake Cargelligo came sauntering past the tent.
"Yorky, Mate!", said one of them. "What ya doing here?"
"I'm working."
"What d'ya mean?, said on of his mates.
"This is mi new job. I'm working at the snake pit."
"Fuck that for a joke! Ya wouldn't catch me within 10 yards of those bastard things. I'm scared shitless of them." said another.
"Are ya comin' back to the Lake, Yorky?"
"Not for a while.", I said.
"Alright Yorky, were off to see the 5-legged cow. See ya around mate."
Just then, Duffy came walking past. He looked at me and said, "Keep on sprooking cobber. That's what I'm fucking paying ya for, not to fucking socialize. What d'ya think this is, a fucking old sheilas' club?"
"I was trying to talk 'em into seeing the show."
"Then try a bit fucking harder mate and use the fucking mic. What the fuck d'ya think it's for? I wanna' hear that sprooking all over the fucking show ground. Alright?"
"Alright Duffy."
"Alright Duffy.", he said, in a low, gravelly voice as he walked away. "Fucking dingbat!"
Nerada came out of the tent and said, "How ya going Yorky?"
"I'm getting it together pretty fast. I'll be great with a bit more practice. Why's Duffy so cranky?"
" 'Cause he's an alcoholic, and to make matters worse, he's got a little dick. That's not a real happy combination. Plus, the fact that he's a real fucking yobo retard!"
"In other words, ya don't like him Nerada?"
"Like him! I hate his guts, what few he's fucking got."
That caught her attention for a moment. She pushed the front of her hair off of her forehead and said,
"Really? Regular fucking Romeo aren't you?"
"No, I was only speaking the truth."
"What do they call ya?"
"Some people call me Yorky, 'cause I come from Yorkshire."
"Alright Yorky, I'll try being a bit more friendly with you. Ya don't seem like the showground type to me. I haven't quite worked you out yet, just don't fucking try anything!"
"It's a deal. Now, what about the snake information."
Nerada was no fool when it came to snakes. her snake pit was full of just every poisonous snake that inhabited Australia. Her snake pit was made of an 8 foot square framework, which tapered down to 6 feet. At ground level, it was about 4 foot high. On the inside of the pit was draped a thick canvas. Once inside, the snakes couldn't get out.
"Are the snakes poisonous?"
"Of course they fucking are."
I'd once seen a documentary about snakes.
"D'ya milk the poison out of 'em?"
"Not fucking likely. It's part of the act to show people how to milk a poisonous snake into a jar with a cloth over the top."
"Where did you learn to handle snakes?"
"There's a zoologist, Erik Warrell. I leaned a lot from him. In fact, you can spook about that. It will add some credibility to the act."
"That sounds great. Write that down and anymore information you can think of."
Twenty minutes later, I was back out on the mic. I was now a bit more confident, so I launched into my new act.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls. Showing for the very first time on your local show ground, The snake pit of death, starring the one and only Nerada Warrick. Watch her as she climbs over the side of the pit and walks among her deadly friends. Amongst others you will see the famous Malley snakes of the Bush; Tigers and Red-bellied blacks, Copperheads, Browns and even the deadly Taipan that inhabits the Northern parts of Queensland.
This show is recommended by Mr. Erik Warrell, whom you've all heard of. It's an education. It's an experience. Bring the children along. Encourage your friends to see this death-defying phenomenon,. You will be shown first-hand, right in front of your very eyes, how to milk the poisonous venom from some of the continents most agressive reptiles. Step this way. Tickets are on sale now. It's the best value for money you'll ever see. The next show will be starting in a few minutes. This is a show you can't afford to miss!
At one point, in the afternoon, a small group of people from Lake Cargelligo came sauntering past the tent.
"Yorky, Mate!", said one of them. "What ya doing here?"
"I'm working."
"What d'ya mean?, said on of his mates.
"This is mi new job. I'm working at the snake pit."
"Fuck that for a joke! Ya wouldn't catch me within 10 yards of those bastard things. I'm scared shitless of them." said another.
"Are ya comin' back to the Lake, Yorky?"
"Not for a while.", I said.
"Alright Yorky, were off to see the 5-legged cow. See ya around mate."
Just then, Duffy came walking past. He looked at me and said, "Keep on sprooking cobber. That's what I'm fucking paying ya for, not to fucking socialize. What d'ya think this is, a fucking old sheilas' club?"
"I was trying to talk 'em into seeing the show."
"Then try a bit fucking harder mate and use the fucking mic. What the fuck d'ya think it's for? I wanna' hear that sprooking all over the fucking show ground. Alright?"
"Alright Duffy."
"Alright Duffy.", he said, in a low, gravelly voice as he walked away. "Fucking dingbat!"
Nerada came out of the tent and said, "How ya going Yorky?"
"I'm getting it together pretty fast. I'll be great with a bit more practice. Why's Duffy so cranky?"
" 'Cause he's an alcoholic, and to make matters worse, he's got a little dick. That's not a real happy combination. Plus, the fact that he's a real fucking yobo retard!"
"In other words, ya don't like him Nerada?"
"Like him! I hate his guts, what few he's fucking got."
