As I walked around the showground, I saw a large, colorful banner which read
THE CHAD MORGAN COUNTRY SHOW
'This looks interesting', I thought as I read the blurb and looked at the posters. A few minutes later, as I was still stood there looking, the curtain parted and a bloke in a white cowboy had and long gray hair came through. He wore buckskin trousers, a fringed buckskin jacket, check shirt, cowboy boots and two fair-dinkum Colt pistols sat in their holsters, on his hips.
"G'day.", he said, as he lit up a smoke.
"G'day.", I said back.
"Ya lookin' for work mate?"
"Yeah, I'm just makin' the rounds."
"I can give ya a job here if ya want."
"What doin'?"
"Collecting tickets at the door mate."
"That's all?"
"That's it mate. Piece-a-piss eh? Money for old rope!"
"How much money?"
"Twelve buck a week and feed ya self. Ya can sleep in the tent."
"Alright, that sounds like a good clean job."
"Won't git any better mate. Six shows a day and you're free between shows. Not like other sweat pits where ya doing 16 hours a day for peanuts."
"Alright, I'll take it."
"Kid Young's my name.", he said as he offered his hand.
"Yorky's mine.", I said as I shook it. You the boss Kid?"
"Wish I fuckin' was.", he said with a smile. "I wouldn't be working these bloody showgrounds at my age!"
"That you, on the poster up there?"
"Was 15 years ago. They used my arm and wrist in the serial called Whiplash. Ya ever heard of it?"
"Yeah, I've seen a couple of the shows."
"I was the stuntman and the whip cracker. They used me because the pufta star of the show couldn't even crack a fart, never mind a stock whip."
"Are ya good with a stock whip?", I asked.
"Does a dog have fleas? Been crackin' stock whips since I was a kid on mi old mans' property. 'Course he lost everything in the depression so I had to find a way of makin' a living. The old stock whip came in real handy. Kept me alive all these years, so far. Where's ya swag?"
"Up at Jimmy Sharmans' tent. I'll just go up and git it."
"Ya been traveling with Sharmans' have ya?
"Yeah, for a few weeks."
"Fuck that for a joke. There's easier ways of makin' money than that. Alright, grab ya gear and store it under under the back of the stage. It'll be a safe a place as any and ya can git it out anytime ya like."
"Be back in a minute.", I said and took off back to Sharmans' tent to pick up mi case and trumpet.
"Where ya going Yorky?, said Sal as I grabbed mi gear.
"Just down the road Sal. I got a job workin' at the Chad Morgan show.
"Good on ya mate. Good ya not too far away from the family."
"See ya every day. Don't forget to come down and see the show. I'll be collecting tickets at the entrance."
"Alright mate. I'll do that."
Just as I was leaving, Sal said to me, "This is mi last show, Yorky!"
"What d'ya mean?"
"Sick of it all mate. It's a mugs game. I'm off back to see mi family in Brewarrina."
"Good on you Sal! I'm a bit sick of it miself but I haven't got enough money to get back to Lake yet and it's too far to hitch-hike."
When I got back to the Chad Morgan tent, I walked in and saw the stage. The tent was a huge one. It was big enough to pack in at least 300 people. The stage was all carpeted and there were 4 microphones and stands lined up across the front.
I walked round back, there was a bloke packing some gear into a large crate. When he saw me he said,
"Gooday, You must be the young bloke that Kid hired are ya?"
"Yeah.", I said. Mi names Yorky."
"Snooky.", he said, as we shook hands.
"What's yer job Snooky?"
"Manager mate. I've been working the show for 10 years now. I do all the organizing and packing when we're on the road."
"Where should I put mi gear?"
"Stick it under there, anywhere ya like mate. It won't be in mi way."
Snooky, I found out later was one of Australia's' Boxing Champions in his younger days. He'd boxed in all the championship weights but had to give it up 'cause he got hurt real bad in his last fight. He was about 50 years old and still had a good mop of greased-down hair. He sported large cauliflower ears and a nose that must have been broken in at least a couple of places.
He was called 'Snooky' on account of his always 'snookin' his broken nose. It kept getting blocked on him, he told me, when I asked why they called him 'Snooky.' Although he was out of shape now, it wasn't difficult to see that he'd once been a big, powerful man. Nobody tried to take the piss out of old Snooky as he wasn't against throwing a good left hook when he felt it warranted it.
"Ya ready to go?", said Kid Young as he came through the curtain.
"Just about.", said Snooky. "I just wanna' check those stage lights to make sure they're all workin'"
"Give us a shout when ya ready Snooky and we'll get this show on the road!
"Pop out the front Yorky and watch the lights for me when I hit the main switches.", said Snooky.
Once Snooky was satisfied everything was in order, he said to me
"Tell that old cowboy we're ready to roll mate."
"Any time you're ready Kid.", I said.
He was adjusting the level of his six guns as he stood at the bottom of the stairs that led up onto the platform.
"Are ya six-guns real?", I asked him.
"What do they fuckin' look like to you?"
"Oh, I didn't mean they looked phony, what I meant was, do they fire?"
"Nah. The only way I can wear 'em in the street is if the barrels have been plugged up with weld. The cops would have mi arse in jail real quick if not. Those bastards are always on the lookout for a reason to grab me."
"Ready to go Kid?", said a fairly attractive blonde.
"Anytime you're ready Sue."
"Who's that Kid?", I asked.
"That's Joe Gilmores' old lady. He's 'Don de Laos', world famous juggler."
"Is he world famous?"
"I don't know about that but he's a pretty good juggler, I'll say that for him."
Kid was now ready to go. He walked up the steps onto the platform and started to 'sprook'.
"Where ya from?", said Sue as I stood near the ticket box.
"Lake Cargelligo."
"Ya been on the grounds long?"
"Couple of months. And you?"
"Ten years. I've been married to Joe for three years now."
"Where did ya work before ya got married?"
"Fred Duffys' show. Ya heard of him?"
"Yeah, I worked for him a couple of weeks."
"Everybody's heard of Fred Duffy."
"Did you dance?"
"I did, till I married Joe. After that he wouldn't let me dance anymore. He hates old Duffys' guts!"
"He's not a real likable character.", I said.
"He's not bad, old Duffy, once ya git to know him but that can take years 'cause he's very seldom sober.", said Sue.
"Pass me that stock whip Yorky.", said Kid, who was now starting to attract a small crowd.
I passed him the whip and he walked back to the center of the wide platform. The stock whip was still coiled in his left hand. The curtain opened and out came a pleasant-looking young girl dressed in Indian garb. She even wore a full-feathered head-dress with a long, feathered tail.
I asked Sue, "Who's that?"
"That's Snookys' daughter."
"Not bad-lookin'.", I said.
"What's yer name, anyway?"
"Yorky. Yours is Sue, isn't it?"
"Yeah, that's right. We should get to know each other quite well before the show's over Yorky, 'cause we'll be here in the same spot for 10 days!"
"That'll make a chance from traveling.", I said.
"Yeah, that's right. What a luxury, ten days in the same town."
Kid Young was now introducing Minnie HaHa to the crowd. Then he said,
"This is what we're gonna' do now. I want a young boy or girl from the crowd to come up here and help me. All ya have to do is hold a sixpence for me. First with their hand up can come up on stage."
"There's one.", said Minnie HaHa, who was pointing to a small girl.
"Come up here Love and hold this sixpence for me."
Once the child was helped up the steps, Kid came over and asked her name.
"Linda.", she said.
"Alright, this is my new assistant."
He whispered some instructions into the girls' ear. Then he said to the crowd which was getting bigger by the minute,
"Alright, we're ready to go! This is what we'll do. I'm gonna' take this sixpence and put it on Lindas' tongue. Then I'm going to attempt to cut it off her tongue with this stock whip!"
Kid let the stock whip unravel, so the crowd could see it. He put the sixpence on the girls' tongue. The small girl was stood there with her head back and her tongue stuck out as far as it would go.
"Now, don't you move 'cause now comes the hard part. I am going to attempt to cut the tongue, oops, I mean the sixpence off of her tongue with one mighty crack of mi stock whip."
He got the crowd to join in by saying,
"I'm gonna count to 3 but I'm not a good counter so you'll have to help me."
ONE...TWO...and before he got to 'Three', the young girl spit the coin out into the crowd and started laughing. This corny trick suckered all the mums and dads into the tent, plus their winging kids, at half-price. Then he ran through the list and credentials of all the stars appearing with the Chad Morgan Show.
Once the tent was packed, the show started. First to take the stage was a brother and sister called Ricky and Tammy. Their act consisted of 3 or 4 songs that they had written themselves. Most of the lyrics were about love. Ricky was 19 and Tammy was 25. He had straight blonde hair which came down to the bottom of his ears. He looked quite ordinary and wore a two-piece suit. He also played the guitar. His sister was much better looking than him. She also had blonde hair which hung well below her shoulders. She had about 10 different country outfits in her wardrobe.
One one occasion Ricky was standing at the entrance to the tent where I was making sure no one tried to sneak in. He was a Ukrainian by birth but he was raised in Australia. He used to enjoy takin' the piss out of me, calling me a 'Pommy Bastard'. On this particular day, I was in no mood for his 'I'm a Star!' bullshit, so I called him, 'nothing but a fancy dago'. He didn't appreciate this comment so he punched me on the top of mi arm and then turned to go.
Now I was really cranky. I knew if I jabbed in the face I would have got fired. Instead, I grabbed him from behind and gave him a big bear-hug. He started to moan as I applied pressure. His arms happened to be straight down by his side when I grabbed him so he was completely powerless.
"When ya promise to stop acting like a retarded schoolboy, I'll stop squeezing!"
"Alright, alright.", he said. "I promise."
When I let him go, he was really upset, not too mention his face was bright red and I heard some of his chest bones crunch. He straightened his fancy suit and said to me,
"I'm gonna' git you, ya smart bastard! I'll git ya fired for that mate, just you see!"
"Hey Ricky, You're the one who's a smart bastard. I don't need to talk to you. In my books, you're no better or worse than the next man but I will tell ya' this much, if ya git me fired from this job, I'll make sure ya won't be able to walk ya 'pretty boy' image on that stage for at least a couple of weeks!"
"Are you threatening me?", said Ricky.
"No sport, I'm givin' ya an honest warning!"
"What d'ya think you're gonna' do?"
"Never you mind cobber.", I said. "Ya won't look too good playing the guitar on stage if ya sister has to stare lovingly into a big black eye!"
"You wouldn't dare!"
"Fuckin' try me. That's ya last warning, now fuck off and leave me alone. I'm busy!"
Late one evening, after the show had closed down, I happened to be walking past Ricky and Tammys' caravan when I noticed the van was bobbing up and down on its springs. They were the only ones that were allowed to use the van. It made me wonder what the hell was going between them. I never mentioned it to anyone but it was good ammo for me if he ever decided to start up a war again!"
Next up on stage was Kid Young, who by now had finished sprooking. As he walked on stage to his theme music, which was 'Ghost Riders in the Sky, he would start to crack his stock whip. After he had done a few fancy cracks, he'd pick up another one and crack one in each hand. A few minutes of that and the music would go soft and he'd call another volunteer from the audience. This time he'd call for a girl about 16 to 20. Once he had conned in another sucker, he'd have her hold a thin, rolled-up piece of paper, then he started cracking his whip. At each crack, he'd slice a piece off the paper until there was only a small amount left. Usually the volunteer would drop the small, remaining piece of paper and this would give the crowd a laugh.
He'd call for another volunteer, this time he'd get a small boy. Once the boy was in position, facing the crowd, he do the sixpence act, only this time he'd knock the sixpence off the boys' tongue. His stock whips would make a really loud 'Crack'. All of this created some good entertainment so that the crowd would have gotten their moneys' worth. Once Kid had finished his act, he would introduce the following one. Then he would go back outside on the platform again and sprook up another crowd.
Minnie HaHas' act followed Kid Young. She would come out doing her Indian Maid act to the music of 'Apache'. Sometimes she'd dance to a record and at other times she danced to Tony Woorsleys' backing band, known as The Blue Jays. Minnie HaHas' dance lasted about 4 minutes. It was really tame and family oriented to Fred Duffys' girls. Sometimes during the late night show when the crowds were a bit drunk, someone would shout out "Git ya gear off darlin'. Snookys' daughter was a real nice girl, so these sort of comments would make her blush and on many occasions, she would walk off stage or cut short the act.
Johnny Devlin was next up. Normally he didn't travel with the show. He was only booked to make guest appearances at the Melbourne show. He was a tall, somewhat handsome rock and roll singer who dressed in a maroon suit with a black collar. He sang songs like, 'Hound Dog' and other Presley songs that were popular in those days.
Once he asked me if I'd keep his caravan clean for him as he used to host a lot of boozing parties in it, after each show. He promised me 10 bucks, which he said he'd pay as soon as the last show was over. He turned out be be a liar 'cause as soon as the show was over, he shot through without paying me.
Many year later, as I was traveling up the Gold Coast of Queensland, I saw his name in neon lights above a Variety Club. As I stood there, I considered going in and asking for mi ten bucks, plus interest. By this time he had become an old 'has been'. Just knowing that was well worth the ten bucks he owed me.
Kevin Sheegog was next up, on stage. He also was an old 'has been' country singer. He was short, with a permanent five O'clock shadow. His hair was quite thin and his ragged, lined face gave away his chronic drinking habit. He'd sing and play songs like, 'Wolverton Mountain' and 'Jambalaya'. His voice was a deep baritone sound but the life force and resonance had long left it.
Don deLaos was tall and italian-looking. He was born in Australia to Dago parents. 'Don the Louse' had an athletes build. He wore a tight, white, one-piece jumpsuit that had rhinestones and sparkles all over it. First, he'd balance on a round, painted log with a flat, oblong plank on top. He'd clown around, as he stood on the plank, making it go from side to side, pretending he'd almost fallen off. Once this part of act was over, he would stack four tables, one on top of each other and then perform his balancing act on top of the tables. Taking two large rings, he'd then climb through both of them, while balancing on the roller log. Don the Louse was a life-long 'showie'. He told me he'd learned everything from his Dad, who was also in the business his whole life. The final and best part of Dons' act was when he'd ride a unicycle along a slack-wire.
I tried walking on the slack-wire many times but never succeeded in taking more than one step. Don said that this act had to be learned as a child as it took so much balance.
Although he was not much liked by any of the 'showies', he was pretty friendly towards me. I asked him to teach me to juggle. With his help, and a lot of practice, I became quite good at it. At one time, I could juggle four balls in what's known in the biz as 'The Shower'. At the night shows, the lights would be turned down and he would juggle four flaming sticks. I must admit, it was an impressive sight to see the fiery sticks spinning in the darkness.
The Blue Jays played a lot of the background music for the acts. Their lead singer, Tony Woorsley, would finally take the stage. He was a decent bloke but not a great singer, although he was very well-known in the Club scene. He also appeared on TV pop music programs of that era.
The management had booked another popular singer of his day, Normie Roe. At the time, he was well-known in Melbourne. His mother used to mange him. She would turn up at many a show to watch her 'little Normie' sing.
Kid Young was sprookin' Normies' name one afternoon, saying he would be appearing on the inside, next show. The tent filled up to maximum capacity within a few minutes but Normie was not due to perform until the evenings' late show. Once the crowd found out they'd been gypped, they started to cause a riot and the only way to keep them from setting the tent on fire was to give 'em their money back or a free pass to the evening show, when he would be singing.
The final act to take the stage was Chad Morgan, himself. He was the ugliest man I'd ever met, although at times when he was sober, he could be a decent bloke. He was billed at 'The Sheik of Scrubby Creek.' On his head he wore a Karki, canvas bush hat with the front turned straight up. It was held there by a large, shiny nappy pin. He had dark eyes, a pointy nose and the largest set of buck teeth I had every clapped eyes on. Cowboy boots, pants and a cowboy fringed shirt made up the rest of his image. He was a 100% alcoholic, of this there was no doubt. Between shows, him and Sheedog would drink cheap plonk. Sometimes he was too drunk to stand up at the late night show. At times someone would have to help him up the stairs onto the stage. When he wasn't too 'full', he could be quite funny as he sang his crazy Bush songs, then peeled back his lips to reveal his monstrous, greeny-yellow bucked teeth. He even scared the daylights out of some kids when he showed his buck teeth. This became part of his act.
A couple of times during the 10 day show, I'd usually play 'The Saints' as it was an upbeat jazz song. Plus, it was the only Jazz song the Blue Jays could play. Each time I played it, it brought the house down and eventually they stopped me playing 'cause I was upstaging the other acts and that would not do, especially since I was an 'unknown'.
