My two favorite haunts in Lake Cargelligo were Gilltraps and the Dagos' shop. Gilltraps provided me with work as that is where laboring and shearing were to be found. The Dagos' shop is where I could get a feed and the most amount of socializing, taking into account that Lake Carigelligo was a small Bush town.
On this particular occasion, I was sat in the Dagos' shop with a good-size T-bone steak sat in front of me. A couple of eggs and extra chips turned the meal into a good Bush feed.
Jimmy Xmas's latest addition to his staff was a Dago called Sammy, who had been working there for a couple of months. Sammy was not your everyday, garden variety Dago, who spoke with a thick greek accent. He had been educated in the Aussie school system since he was 7 years old. He was 25 now. He had the standard black hair and permanent 5 O'clock shadow. His wife was 22. She was quite short with dyed blonde hair which looked really strange, owing to her black eyebrows, plus the fact that she was 7 months pregnant. The icing on the cake was a 3 year old son who could be described, in no other way than a spoiled, tantrum-throwing brat!
"G'day Yorky.", he said as he sat himself down at my booth. "How are ya mate?"
"Not too bad Sammy. How are you?"
"How's the feed?"
"Pretty good mate."
"Good. I cooked it 'specially for you."
"Well, good on you Sammy. I appreciate that mate."
"Hey Yorky, are you into hunting mate?"
"It depends what you're going after sport."
"Goats, mate. A cocky mate of mine, who comes in the cafe a lot, wants to clear out a herd of wild goats from his property."
"What are ya gonna' shoot 'em with?"
"I got a 308 and a 30.30 Winchester. They'll be big enough, for sure."
"Sounds good to me Sammy. I've only got a Pea rifle and that's nowhere big enough for wild goats. So when do ya wanna' go?"
"What about tomorrow morning, early? We could be at the cockys' place at sun up. That's a good time to catch 'em."
"How far out a' town is the property?"
"About 30 miles out on the Rankin Springs road."
"Sounds good to me mate. Ya got plenty of Ammo?"
"Yeah, but I'll pick up a couple more boxes from Ray Orrs' place later this arvo."
"What time d'ya wanna' pick me up?"
"How's 5 O'clock sound?"
"Sounds good to me mate. I'll be outside Gilltraps at 5." I've always wanted a goat skin for the floor at the side of mi bed when the cold weather's on."
"Those wild goats fuckin' stink mate and how ya gonna' skin it?"
"Bring one of ya butchers knives with ya from the kitchen. That ought to do it."
"Ya know how to skin a goat Yorky?"
"Course I fuckin' do. I can skin anything mate, Roos, rabbits, sheep, Dagos!"
"Hey, Hey, careful with the Dago jokes mate. I'm an Aussie citizen, are you?"
"Not yet mate. I'm still a pommy bastard and to be precise, I'm a pommy fuckin' bastard, according to Bush law!"
Just then, the cafe door opened and a pretty, good-looking sort walked up to the counter.
"Jesus.", said Sammy, as he got up from the table, in such a hurry, that he knocked over the dregs of mi cuppachino. "Sorry about that Yorky mate. I'll get ya another in a minute."
Although Sammy was an Aussie citizen, he still had the greasy ways of a Dago which was on full display now, as he slid behind the counter, wearing his best Dago smile.
"Nancy, how are ya love? What can I git for ya today?"
"Give us a pack of Styvesants and a box of Redheads."
"No worries love. How's the nursing job going?"
"Pretty good."
"Ya still like nursing eh?", said Sammy.
"I love the nursing part but the hours can be a bit of a drag at times."
After a bit more bullshittin' conversation from Sammys' pie-hole, she gave him a decent smile and made her exit.
"Who's that?", I asked Sammy as he brought me over another cuppachino.
"Nurse Nancy.", he said as he sat down and lit up a Pall Mall.
"Where d'ya know her from mate?"
"She come in here a lot for smokes and milkshakes. Pretty good-looking Sheila, eh mate?"
Nurse Nancy was quite pretty. She had a decent size rack, slim waist, good-lookin' legs and a well-rounded arse that was not too big. I had no problem agreeing with Sammy about her looks. She was, indeed, a good-looking Sheila.
After I had finished mi feed, I took off back, up the street, to Gilltraps. As I got closer to Traps, I saw Freddy, who was sat on the steps, finishing off a middy.
"How are ya Yorky mate?"
"Not bad Freddy, how are you?"
"Bored fucking shitless sport. There's fuck all to do in the Lake when ya not workin'."
"Ya not wrong there Freddy. Come and have a beer with me mate. I hate drinkin' on mi own."
"I just had a big feed mate. Where's War Dog? He's always up for a beer."
"Oh he's up at Keith Charmers' place fuckin' around with an old Brigs and Stratten motor that he's doin' up for sale. Come on mate, just one round."
Once we were seated at the bar and our middys' had been pulled, Freddy cheered up a bit. I told him about going goat shooting with Sammy, the Dago.
"Ya wanna' come with us mate? I'm sure Sammy won't mind. More the merrier when it comes to clearing out wild goats!"
"No, fuck that for a game of tin soldiers Yorky. I'm not really keen on hunting. Besides that, I'm a lousy fuckin' shot."
"Alright, just thought I'd ask ya. Hey Freddy, When I was at the Dagos' shop, this really good-lookin' sheila came in for some smokes. Ya should have seen her mate. She's the best lookin' sheila I've seen in the Lake for a while!"
"Did ya talk to her?
"No mate, I never got the chance but I'm gonna' keep an eye out for her. Ya never know."
"Does she work?"
"Sammy told me she's a nurse up at the hospital."
"Jesus Yorky, that sounds good mate. They tell me that those nurses are real go-ers."
"Yeah, I heard the same thing miself Freddy. I think I might be spendin' a bit more time at the Dagos' shop. Sammy says she comes in regular."
The next morning, I was sat on Gilltraps steps waiting for Sammy the Dago, who was now 15 minutes late. I was just about to say 'fuck it' and go back to bed when I saw his station wagon cruising up the main street. Double parking in the empty street, he pushed open the passenger side door and said,
"Git in mate, we're late."
"What d'ya mean 'we' ya Dago bastard? Don't ya mean 'you'?"
"Yeah, yeah, me mate."
"What happened?"
"Ah, I've been up most of the night with the kid. He's got something wrong with him. He was crying all bloody night!"
"We don't have to go if ya don't wanna'?"
"Fuck that!", he said as he shoved the stick into first gear. "This married life is driving me fucking nuts. If it's not the kid, it's the misuss."
"Yeah mate, and it's about to git worse. She's due to drop another one any day by the looks of her."
"Nah, she's got another 8 weeks to go so I've still got a bit of fucking-around time left up mi sleeve!"
"Fuckin' around doin' what? Drinkin' and partying?"
"Drinking, partying and rootin' Yorky mate!"
"How's ya missus handle the rootin' at 7 months?"
"I'm not rootin' the missus mate. I've been rooting that nurse ya saw in the shop yesterday. "
"Ya mean Nancy?"
"Yeah mate, right first time."
"Bullshit sport, no offense but I can't see any sheila in Lake Cargelligo rootin' a Dago."
"Well, she's not rooting a Pommy bastard is she mate?"
"Ya know what Sammy, you're such a bullshittin' Dago bastard. There's no fuckin' way you're rootin' her!"
"Please yourself whether you believe me or not mate but I rooted her, in the back of this station wagon, last night out at the Common."
"Alright Sammy, I'm not gonna' argue with you. Did you remember the rifles and ammo?"
"Course I did mate. I'm not a fucking Pommy, ya know."
I decided not to bat that ball back. I was more interested in thinking about this new information I'd just got from Sammy. We drove the rest of the way to the cockys' place in silence, which suited me fine. 'How could she root a greazy, fucking Dago of all people'? And here's me thinkin' she's a great sheila'!
"Grab the gate mate.", said Sammy as we drove up to the cockys' boundary fence.
"No worries sport.", I said as I hopped out and swung the big, old steel gate wide open.
Once we had driven as far as we could in the rough, rocky paddock the decision was made to walk the rest of the way. I had decided not to pursue any more conversation about Nurse Nancy as it would only cause tension which would lead to a strained relationship between miself and Sammy, who was now beginning to look more like a greasy dago than a naturalized Aussie. I even imagined his speech had changed and the distinctive Dago accent had grown much stronger.
"There's a mob.", I said as we climbed to the top of a rocky hill. Very slowly, we made our way, as close as possible, to the mob so as not to scare them off.
"Take a shot at that big Billy.", I said to Sammy, who had a good size scope on the new 308 he was carrying.
"Let's git a bit closer mate, then I can get a good head shot."
"If ya try to get any closer, you'll scare 'em off. That big old Billy can already sense something's up.", I said. "Take the shot now mate!"
Sammy lined up the shot against a thin bush tree. A couple of seconds later, 'BOOM"! The 308 spat out a high-grained bullet which missed the Billy completely and snapped off a tree limb just about his head.
"Jesus Sammy, ya fuckin' missed him mate. How the fuck could ya miss the bastard from this distance?"
"It's the new scope mate! I haven't got it sighted in right."
"So why didn't ya go out the Common somewhere, to set up the scope?"
"I never had time mate. I've been to busy in the cafe."
The mob of goats had now taken off around the hill and disappeared from sight. Surprisingly, the goats did not take off at a fast pace as they were not 'gun-shy', which meant they had not been shot at before. After about 10 minutes or so, we came across another mob of about 10 Nannys' and a Billy. Once we were close enough, I let rip with Sammys' 30-30. BOOM! The 30-30 echoed, slightly, around the hillside as Sammy said,
"Ya missed, ya pommy bastard!"
"Bullshit! I got him in the heart area."
Seconds later, the Big old Billy took a few steps and then fell over on his side.
"Missed him did I mate? I told ya I got him."
"Why didn't ya go for a head shot?"
"I didn't have a clear enough shot and besides, I'm using open sights."
The Nannys had taken off further around the hill. The old Billy was still kicking his last as I put 2 more bullets in his head.
"They're really tough bastards, these old Billys.", said Sammy, who pushed the goat around with his foot."
"Yeah. Look at the balls on him Sammy. I'll bet ya wish you had a pair like that?"
"I'd be on the losing end if I did mate. Mine are already bigger than that!"
"Jesus Sammy, you're such a fuckin' bullshit artist!"
"It's true mate. That's why all the Aussie sheilas like me."
"They like ya till they find out ya full- a'-shit Sammy, then they dump ya mate!"
Undercurrents of anger were starting to creep into my voice, so I said,
"Let's leave this old bastard here and come back for him after we've cleared out a few more for the cocky."
After we'd shot a few more ferals, we decided to go back to where I'd shot the old Bully.
"So ya really gonna' skin him?", said Sammy, as he handed me the butchers knife.
"Sure am mate. I'll have it tanned. It'll make a good bedside rug."
"Jesus, they fuckin' stink like hell!", said Sammy, as he backed away from the goat who's skin was just about off.
"They stink Sammy because they roll over on their back and piss all over themselves."
"Bullshit!", said Sammy with a disgusted look on his face. "Why would they do that?"
"Because it makes them more attractive to the females. You should try it Sammy. You'll have all the Mission ginns chasing ya around town mate!"
"Fuck you ya pommy bastard. I rely on my good looks to get the sheilas chasin' me mate."
"I don't see too many sheilas chasing ya around sport. I think it's all in ya mind mate.", I said.
"Nurse Nancy wasn't mate. She was in the back of mi station wagon. Ask her if ya don't believe me."
"I fuckin' will do, next time I see her."
The sun was starting to warm up the early morning and the goat skin was really starting to stink now.
"Ya not putting that stinking, fucking goat skin in mi new station wagon?", said Sammy, as we neared where we'd parked it.
"I'm not fuckin' leaving it out here after all I went through skinnin' the bastard! Haven't ya got a plastic bag in the back of ya car?"
"Yeah, but its got cafe supplies in it."
"Just put 'em in the back somewhere. You're gonna' take 'em into the cafe anyway."
Sammy was not too keen on having the skin in his new car. Had he not rooted my potential new girlfriend, I wouldn't have blamed him. Halfway back to town, the stink of the goat skin was starting to fill up the station wagon.
"Are ya sure ya tied up that plastic bag properly mate? I'll never get that stink out of mi car. Mi missus will go fucking nuts when she has to drive it somewhere."
"Ah, don't worry about it Sammy. Just tell her ya dropped one of the garlic farts you're famous for!"
"Fuck you mate! I'll have to tell her I had a pommy bastard in the car. Everybody knows you pommys only take a shower once a week."
Once we'd pulled up, out the back of the Dago shop, I asked Sammy if I could salt down the skin and nail it to one of the old wooden storage sheds.
"No fucking way mate! That thing stinks so fucking bad, it'll drive all mi customers away and Jimmy Xmas will hit the fucking roof."
There was now no other option left but to chuck the skin away. If I tried to stake it out at the back of Gilltraps, Cath Gilltap would have chased me off the premises. Back in mi room at Traps, I got out of mi old clothes and tied them up firmly in mi plastic dirty clothes bag. The room was already starting to smell like stale goat piss! It took me twice as long to shower as the goat piss smell seemed to have permeated the pores of mi pommy skin.
Laid on mi bed with fresh clean clothes on, I rolled a smoke and started to think about Nurse Nancy and what my next course of action would be.
