On Monday morning at 10 to 6, I was sitting on Gilltraps' steps waiting for Kevin Skippy to pick me up for a couple of days work, marking lambs.
"G'day, ya pommy fucking' bastard.", he yelled out the window as he pulled into the curb. "Chuck ya tucker box in the back and hop in mate."
"How are ya, ya Aussie fuckin' bastard?", I asked as we shook hands.
"Jesus!", said Kevin, as he spun the wheels and left a small dust cloud behind us. "Ya really gettin' our Aussie lingo down Yorky mate."
"Yeah, I've been gettin' a bit sick of people mimicking my Yorkshire accent and taking the piss out of me."
"Oh, don't worry about that sport. We've been extracting the urine out a' pommys since they've been coming out here. Ask Stan Granthem, he speaks good Occa lingo now and we still take the piss! So what have ya been up to Yorky? Ya got yourself a good root since ya been livin' in town?"
"No mate. No such luck in that department."
"What about some of those young Mission sheilas' that hang out around Gilltarps?"
"No mate, no luck there either."
"Ya still haven't had a root yet Yorky mate?"
"In one word Skippy, No!"
"I've got a pretty good-looking sheep in the backyard at our place. I could put a good word in there for ya, if ya like."
"Fuck you Skippy. I'm desperate but not that desperate."
"I don't blame ya.", he said as he laughed out loud. "Anyway it's too hard to pull their head around to kiss 'em!"
This little joke gave me a really good laugh as I said,
"Oh mate, what a fuckin' great joke. I'm gonna' remember that one."
"Good on ya Yorky mate. She's a pretty tough life out here in the Bush sport and a good joke never goes astray. They tell me ya gittin' a few middys into ya self since you've been living at Traps."
"Yeah, there's not much else to do in the Lake, if ya single."
"Ya not gonna' end up like some of those old Alchis' are ya?"
"Course I'm fuckin' not. Just because I'm a pommy doesn't mean I'm stupid."
"You'll have to give me a few minutes to think about that one mate!
"Fuck you Skippy.", I said with a smile. "What we doing today anyway?"
"Marking lambs mate, before we fatten 'em up for the auction."
"I've never done it before, ya know."
"No worries mate, you'll be catching 'em, Digger's gonna' mark 'em and I'm gonna' draft 'em off and shift 'em back into the paddocks."
Pretty soon we were driving over the ramp at Skippys' property. I could already see a large mob of Ewes and lambs in and around the sheep-yards. We parked the ute under a shady tree and walked towards the yards. Digger was filling up a back-pack of drench. As soon as he saw me, he said,
"Yorky, ya pommy bastard. How are ya cobber?"
"Good mate.", I said as we shook hands.
"Ya like living in town mate?"
"It's not bad mate. There's still not much to do though."
"I don't know about that Yorky. A little bird told me that ya rootin' one of those pretty little half-cast ginns from out at the Mission."
"Bullshit Digger.", I said. "Ya little bird's full a' shit!"
"That's not what I heard Yorky. I don't wanna' see ya sittin' on Shamens' corner with a couple a' pic-a-ninis' on ya knee next time I'm in town."
"Fuck you Digger, you're such a bullshiter mate."
"Yeah, I know, but it's good fun Yorky. You're always good for a laugh mate."
"G'day Yorky.", said Dick as he walked over to where we were laughing and joking. "Didn't ya' bring that pretty little half-cast sheila I saw ya with on Saturday night?"
"Fuckin' hell Dick, you're just as bad as ya sons."
"Right, first time Yorky. Where d'ya think they git it from? Hey Kevin, bring that mob a' ewes and lambs in from the back boundary paddock, near Diggers' place. We'll git started on this mob. I'll draft 'em off while we're waitin' for ya."
"So, what d'ya want me to do Dick?", I asked.
"Digger will show ya mate. He's the expert."
"Bullshit Dad, I'm the mug that ends up with the shitty end of the stick!"
"Come on Yorky mate. Let's git started.", said Digger. "Sooner we start, the sooner we finish."
Digger and me walked over to a part of the sheep-yard fence that had a 2 foot long, 1 foot wide plank that was screwed onto the top rail.
"Right mate, you catch the lambs after they're drafted off from the ewes and carry them over here. I'll go grab one and show ya how to hold 'em."
Digger grabbed hold of a lamb and carried it over to the fence.
"Alright, ya hold it like this mate, with his front and back leg together on each side. Ya sit his arse on the plank and push down a bit. Ya got it mate?"
"Looks easy enough to me Digger."
"It's easy at the beginning of the day Yorky, but by Sundown tonight ya hands will have cramp in 'em from the little bastards' struggling. Grab hold of this one mate while I get on the other side of the fence."
As soon as Digger was ready he said,
"Now hang on to her mate!"
First up, he grabbed a pair of ear-marking pliers. He took half of the lambs' ear and clipped a piece out of it which left their brand hole in it. The hole filled up with a small amount of blood.
"This is a ewe mate, so ear-mark and tail is all we do on this one."
Then he picked up a small, sharp-bladed knife which had 2 spring-like jaws for a handle. The spring jaws had serrated teeth on each side.
"Ya see this bit of bare skin under her tail, here right before the wool starts growin'?"
"Yeah, what about it?"
"SWISH! Ya cut the tail off right there." The tail came off quite easily as the knife was really sharp. "If ya cut it too short mate, the blow-flys will get on its arse-hole and chances are they'll blow it"
"What happens then mate?"
"Maggots, mate. They'll start boring holes into and around its tucker-shute. How d'y like maggots boring into ya tucker shoot Yorky?"
"Not fucking likely!", I said as Digger had a good laugh.
Digger dabbed a bit of tar on the lambs tail and then said,
"Let her go mate!"
Once the lambs' feet were on the ground again, she ran around a bit, twitching her tail and ear, bleating for her mother. The next lamb I caught turned out to be a male.
"Jesus mate, ya got a whether, or soon to be. Hold him steady mate." said Digger as he marked the opposite ear.
This time he cut the top of the lambs ball-sack. Then he pushed back the ball-sack with his fingers and two small pink testicles popped out.
What he did next, fuckin' shocked me! Digger put his head between the lambs back legs, grabbed one of the balls between his teeth and then pulled his head back. He now had a pink testicle in his mouth which had a small tube hanging off of it. Then he spit the testicle onto the dusty ground. Almost immediately one of the red Kelpies ran in, grabbed it and swallowed it in one gulp. Repeating the process, the lamb was now short his 2 small balls. After he cut off the tail, he chucked it on the ground, dabbed the stump and empty ball-sack with tar and said,
"Let it go Yorky mate. He's done!"
The front of mi singlet had now acquired blood streaks, which came from cutting the tail off, all down the front. Each time a tail was cut, the hairline veins spurted out a thin stream of blood. I now had it on mi face as well as mi arms. It wasn't long before the bush flies arrived, which by days-end was torturous.
"Don't some cockys put rubber rings on their balls and tail Digger?"
"Yeah mate, but that hurts 'em a hell of a lot more than this way."
"How d'ya know that mate?"
"Well mate, once ya let 'em up doing it this way, they run around and jump up and down a bit, right?Now when ya put a ring on their ball sack and tail, they run and jump a little bit and then they lay down on the ground for quite a while."
"Why's that Digger?"
"Why d'ya think mate."
" 'Cause you've cut the blood supply off?"
"Right first time mate. It also takes a good few days for the nuts and tail to rot off."
"Fuck that for a game of tin soldiers Digger! I'm fuckin' glad I'm not a sheep!"
Just then, old Dick came over and said to me,
"I think when we've marked all these lambs Yorky, we'd better do you mate! It'll save ya havin' a swag of pic-a-ninis to look after. What d'ya reckon mate?"
"Fuck you Dick! My balls are staying right where they are, even though I haven't needed 'em yet!"
We all had a good laugh over that one till Digger said,
"Alright Yorky mate, it's your turn. I'll go catch one for ya."
